Likeable Enough Girl Does the Movies

Orange (Trying Something New)

Joy Behar: A PSA

(Imagine if you will, a slow zoom in on the picture of Joy Behar)


NARRATOR: This is Joy Behar. She's on The View. She might also be a stand-up comic, though this rumor has not been confirmed. Joy Behar asserts that men don't like women who are funny.

(Suddenly, the zoom-in stops, cue the sound of brakes screeching)

NARRATOR: Here's a theory...MAYBE MEN DON'T LIKE JOY BEHAR!

This public service announcement brought to you by Funemployment.

Special Feature: Hipster Trends Even YOU Can Rock!

WOMEN! Take off your pants and pay attention. There is nothing worse than having really obvious gross green junk in your teeth, right? WRONG. DEAD WRONG, LICK-SNIFFERS! Gross green stuff in your teeth is now a trend. Why? BECAUSE YOUR FACE, THAT'S WHY!

Rock that spinach. Sport that parsley. Get some fierce-ass basil stuck all up in your grill. You may even consider getting a permanent green dental implant. SO FEIST. I SAW FEIST DO IT. GREEN GROSS JUNK IN YOUR TEETH IS THE NEW SHAGGY BANGS, FART-HEARTS!

I'm not going to come right out and say you're a loser if you don't put gross green junk in your teeth. BUT I WILL CALL YOU AN UNCLE-MUFFIN AND SHUN YOU AT THE DRAKE. So you'd better do it.

I'm laughing in your gross face, Uncle-Muffin

Special Feature: Hipster Trends Even YOU Can Rock!

LADIES! The latest trend this fall has nothing to do with visible under-things or glasses you don't really need. NO! LOOK SHARP, BITCHES. It's the chest mustache.

What's a chest mustache, some dumb girl in the back asks. GET WITH IT, LADY GAGA. It's only the hottest shit to fall out of fashion's gilded ass. FASHION'S ASS IS FOR SURE GILDED, PROSTITOTS! NO LAUGHING.

Just check it. Check it and despair.


What better way to emphasize your decolletage? I mean, besides necklaces or titty-tats or all that other played out shit. The chest mustache says "I'm no lady. I'm a chest mustache lady". The chest mustache is like the over-sized flannel shirt you wear over leggings, EXCEPT IT'S LIKE, MORE THIS YEAR, FAIL-TARD. And it's just on your chest.

So get out your spirit gum, paste on a chest mustache and I'll see you on Ossington. NUT-SUPPERS!

Snack Break!

Close-up of Lindsay watching Classic Dr. Phil, wearing a vintage early 90s track-suit

NARRATOR: Hey you! You look like you could use an afternoon snack!

Lindsay nods.

Cut to Lindsay opening the fridge

NARRATOR: But there's nothing in the fridge!

Close-up of Lindsay looking dismayed.

NARRATOR: Why don't you open the cupboard?

Insert shot of Lindsay opening the cupboard. She pulls out a can of chickpeas.

NARRATOR: That's right! Chickpeas! Chickpeas are low in fat and high in fibre! Why don't you eat the whole can?

Close-up of Lindsay eating chickpeas straight from the can.

NARRATOR: For an extra boost, drink that chickpea juice. Yum!

Lindsay flexes her muscles.

NARRATOR: Chickpeas! Because you're not some hobo who eats cans of beans under the bridge. You're eating goddamn chickpeas!

Likeable Enough Future

I am leaving my job today. You know, the dull one that allowed me to post comics 4-5 times a day? Likeable Enough Girl is not over. No, it's never over. But postings may become more infrequent. Thank you all for your support, your laughs, your thumbs up on Facebook. I love you all. In a sick way where I buy dolls and name them after you and touch them in their swimsuit areas.

Lindsay